4: A New Perspective

As time passed, life did what it does best and the boy found himself thinking of the girl less and less. He met new people that lived close to home and formed new friendships. He never really let anyone all the way in, but he always found himself surrounded by people that didn't mind having him around.


The boy wasn't very social and some people thought he was mysterious, but the reality was, he just never felt like he fit in with any group. When the lunch hour rang, he would find himself chatting with people from various groups of people but in the end, he would sit alone to eat. He was more comfortable with his solitude. He was a loner at heart.


He spent the mornings just walking the halls holding his jacket over his shoulder. He'd smile and nod at people passing by, but never really made conversation. Everyone thought he was friendly, but didn't know what to really make of him.


No one really bothered him and it didn't seem like anyone disliked him, but he still felt like an outcast surrounded by people that knew him. In his binder pocket, he carried a stack of pictures from his days dancing the night away and playing music with his dad's band. That was where he felt like he fit in. That was where he felt complete.


He'd hoped to find that feeling by starting his own thing and it worked, but something was missing and he just had a hard time finding the confidence to keep it going. He couldn't understand why it was so different. He didn't realize the work that went into just getting a place to set up and play and as a high school student, most places that offered live entertainment wouldn't let him in the doors nonetheless on the stage. It was discouraging to say the least. He was ready to give up on it completely.


He started dating and found he wasn't the best at connecting with females. It was always an awkward conversation and he never felt comfortable with the relationships. Most of the girls he dated either came to him or were set up by a mutual friend. The girls he was actually interested in barely knew he existed or just weren't interested. None of them looked at him as anything that special. None of them made him feel like he could take on the world.


The boy eventually met a girl he grew to like a lot. She loved his quiet mysteriousness and described him as the "boy in the movies." He liked the adventure she brought into his somewhat simple life with her rebellious nature.


Things were good at first until the boy met someone more mature and less reckless. This went well for a little while but this girl wanted a ring and the boy was not looking to go down that road yet. He was just a junior in high school. So that ended.


That following summer, the boy reconnected with the rebel girl and they found themselves in an on again off again relationship for a period of time. The boy grew frustrated at the games that would be played and rebel girl would push harder. It was just their nature at that point.


As more time passed and the boy reached his senior year in high school, she came to him and told him she was pregnant. This changed everything in a single moment.


The boy didn't know what to do with this. He cared about her very much, but was never sure she was "the one." He knew he could see himself staying with her and raising a family. In his mind, they could make it work. He grabbed a close female friend from school and they went to the mall.


"Are you sure about this?" the friend asked.


"Yeah, I really do love her and want to make this work." the boy responded.


"I'm just saying," she raised an eyebrow and took his hand, "I don't like her. You know that."


"I know, but it's my decision so just help me out here." the boy was looking down at a glass case with an assortment of jewelry. He didn't have much for money but wanted it to be something somewhat nice.


"I wish you wouldn't, but I like that one right there." she said pointing as she signaled the worker to pull it out to look at.


"Please, just be nice and accept it," he said as he looked at the price tag and gave it back to the worker. "It has to work out."


"This one," the boy said when he finally found a ring that was nicer, but not over $1000 dollars. "I don't know her size though."


When Christmas came he gave her a big box wrapped with a series of smaller box's till finally she got to the ring and he asked her to marry him. The boy was shaking as he thought of how many girls had rejected him in the past and he did feel a moment of excitement when she said, "Yes."


This was good in his mind. They were going to figure it out as they went and everything was going to be okay. He knew he had made the right decision and was excited for the next chapter of their lives.


Everyone questioned it and tried to talk him out of it. This made the boy feel defiant as he wanted to prove them all wrong. They were going to make it work and that was that. Some even said, they won't make it to the wedding. Some even questioned if the child was his child and this outraged the boy even more as he knew it was going to work out.


They started planning immediately and by March it was official. The boy was a married man his senior year in high school. His new wife even wore her wedding dress to prom. Although he still didn't feel everything was perfect, he felt like they could figure it out.


June came around and the boy had his graduation. He was excited to finally be done with school so he could work more and figure out his future. He thought about that $1000 music system he had sitting in a garage collecting dust and decided it was time to make something of it. The end of June came and his daughter was born. This set in motion a new era of life.


The boy would work tirelessly trying to make ends meet and still found himself sitting at a computer doing research on putting together shows. He often questioned his own sanity as he nearly invested any money into it. He always held back and didn't take the leap. It wasn't worth taking money from his family for a silly pipe dream. He had real life responsibilities now and that was that.


As the weeks passed that summer, the boy grew more and more discouraged. He wanted to give his new family the world but couldn't find a way to make enough to get out of living with family members. He really didn't like asking for help and especially didn't want any aid. He wanted to be able to do it on his own. He had a drive to find a way that felt impossible.


He couldn't find happiness in this life and grew depressed and distant from everyone around him. His wife constantly wanted more from him and she felt like he made all these promises he was unable to keep. The boy was oblivious to how hard it was to make those promises come true and felt like a failure in every way. Nothing felt right anymore and he struggled to dig out of it. He truly loved his family and wanted to do right by them, but he couldn't do that living like they were.


One day, the boys mother asked if he wanted to go to the bar where the boy used to dance. She had to pick something up from a friend and there was a band there that night. On the car ride up, they got to chat for a little bit.


"Are you doing ok," his mother asked.

"Yeah, Just tired from work." The boy responded looking away.


His mother went on complaining about the boys wife and what she thought should be different and how the boy needed to put his foot down. The boy found himself looking out the window the whole drive just trying to zone out her rant.


"Look, she is my wife and I don't want to hear you talk about her that way." the boy finally exclaimed as he looked back out the window. The part that bothered him most was that she wasn't wrong. He loved his wife, but she did make things difficult any chance she could. It was drama drama drama and he was just trying to find moments of peace and hold on to them.


When they got to their destination, they walked in and sitting at a two top table was the girl and her mother. The boy suddenly felt all the weight lift from his shoulders. He was excited to tell her about everything life had brought him. When they got to the table, their parents started talking and the boy looked at her and smiled, but the girl didn't smile back. She looked nervous and scared and not long after the boy realized why.


"This one went and got pregnant," the girls mother blurted out in the middle of her conversation with the boys mother. The boy was taken back by this. She was so young and he knew the pressure he felt being a new father.


The girl sunk in her chair devastated by her mothers revelation of her situation. Her face was beat red and she had a look of shame on her face. She looked away and the boy felt like she was about to run out the door. He didn't want that. He hadn't seen her in so long and he really wanted to talk to her some.


"It's ok," the boy said, "Here's some pictures of my daughter."


She was still red with embarrassment, but she seemed content as the boy acknowledged her and tried to engage with her. She glanced over silently and looked down again.


She finally smiled as he pulled out a small photo of his baby. She looked at him again and that old tight crooked smile came back and she got up and wrapped her arms around him in a hug.


It was then that the boy no longer worried about her age. She was gentle, caring, soft spoken and loving. She was everything a mother should be. He knew in that moment, she was going to take to being parent amazingly. She was no longer that child in his eyes, but now he saw a strong woman with a world of challenges ahead of her. He didn't see what she was in the moment, but what she could and would become.


He kissed the top of her head and said "you're going to be an amazing mother," before they let go and went their separate ways.


As they headed back home, the boys mother didn't say anything as the boy looked out the window at the moon wondering if she was watching it too on her trip back home. He suddenly thought about all the times he pushed forward and how she was always on the edge of his mind with every challenge he faced in his musical journey.


When he got home that evening, he went to the computer and made a $6000 investment in music, backtracks and all the things he'd need to get shows going in a way that he could sell. He no longer felt discouraged because he suddenly remember he was worth believing in. He suddenly remembered what it was that brought him happiness. It was more than the music that he was fighting for. He was looking for more people who made him feel like the blue eyed girl did, and he knew he would never find it if he never made that leap.

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